Sylvester and Latkes and Stuff

Hmm. 2006, huh? You don't say. You know something else you don't say? Not in the States, anyway... "So, what are you doing for Sylvester?"
Who the hell is Sylvester? Well, I haven't a clue, but that's what they call New Year's around here cuz the New Year already passed...in September. It's called Rosh HaShana. We eat apples with honey and honeycake till we're sick of it and about a week later, starve ourselves for a day, repent, and think to ourselves, "Man, I can't wait to get into that dry, leftover honeycake." Ok, that's not entirely true. First of all, I never get sick of honeycake, nor do I fast or repent on Yom Kippur since I never do anything wrong. Hee. Secondly, some of us don't actually like honeycake (although how and why will forever be one of life's great mysteries for me--COME ON! It's honey! And it's cake!).

Potato latkes are another story. That's what we eat on Chanukah. See, those fried little bastards can go either way. If you get 'em real thin-fried brown and crunchy and eat 'em with applesauce or jelly or other such yummyness--Yes!--but the hell with those fat, under-fried mushy ones and EW...sour cream? What are we? Irish? (No offense, Mikey. Wait, you don't even read this. Nevermind.) What are we? Irish?

So, December 25th rolls around and I'm sick in bed with a cold but where am I supposed to be? That's right...Hebrew class. What's that, you say? Class? On Christmas? Haha! Yes, it's Israel, my friends, the one place in the Western World where December 25th is....just December 25th. AND it was Sunday, the first day of the work/school week, not the Sabbath...that would be Saturday for all you mislead goyim. HOWEVER, not only were we treated to suvganiot (jelly donuts, also a Chanukah food) in class this week, but we DID get a day off...for Chanukah (*insert taunting smirk for Alex Panio who always had such a ball singing South Park's "Lonely Jew on Christmas" song in my face every year).

All right. So maaaaaaaaaybe this day off was cleverly offered to us this Sunday for reasons other than Chanukah. And maaaaaaaaaaybe Hebrew U knew that if they held classes on January 1st, the only students who'd show would fall under the following categories:

1) Still too shitfaced from the night before to realize where they are.
2) Hungover, but better to throw up in a bathroom that someone else will have to clean.
3) No friends, no social life, no plans...so everyone studying dead languages. Oh shit.
4) Religious Muslims.

Well, speaking of Muslims, the morning Call to Prayer has just begun echoing through the hills outside my window, which means I stayed up way too long, yet again, trying to update you on the fascinating life I don't lead. Shoshana and Elisheva, congratulations on making Aliyah yesterday. I love you both, welcome home.

Ask not what Sylvester can do for you, but what you can do for Sylvester ;)
2006 HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006


*note: el? are you miss mojo? yes, ji hee...i got %100 on the f_russian's paper! i miss you! guy~did you get the pesek zman from my house? or did they eat it all? oh, and tamar~you'll be thrilled to hear that the unkosher burger joint is up and running again. i know how worried you were :P boaz. heh. hope your psycho german girlfriend doesn't tie you up in her basement and beat you with polish sausages. or maybe i do.......

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Well, I've heard that y'all are getting pummelled by snow and cold weather. I saw Tamar's pics from Boulder, Colorado and Larry's pics from Bumblef**k, Indiana, then heard about downpours in Virginia and New Jersey. So, being an ass, I proceeded to brag about the amazingly warm weather we're having here in Jerusalem. An Arab acquaintance of Lorin's remarked sullenly that such odd weather must mean God is angry at the world. Hm. Ok...So now that the cold winds are blowing in with freezing rain and the wrath of hell, God is happy with us? Neat. I don't get it.
Other than that, things have gotten pretty interesting around here. Boys. My issues, my friends' issues...*sigh* Can't live with 'em, can't tie a few up in the basement and tap that sh*t when your homework's done. Wow. Did I just write that out loud? However... Baby Druze and Lorin. You're kings among men. (Little shout out to ya.)
So, the problem of evil. Is there such thing as evil? How do you explain it? Is there such thing as God? Oh.......reeeeeeeally? Please reply. I'm writing a paper on early Christian Mysticism and Voltaire's 'Candide' and not getting anywhere. I'm afraid I'll be submitting a high school level essay if this writer's block doesn't sod off. Heh. I said "sod off." Lorin's taken to calling me a "succubus," and I think it might be fitting.
All right....I'm off to eat non-kosher pizza. Mehdi and Jackie say hello.

e-nu-ma e-lish la na-bu-u sha-ma-mu....

A few weeks ago, shortly after discovering my bacon cheeseburger haven, a disgruntled Arab employee burned down the place, leaving us with a multitude of kosher burger joints to satisfy our beef cravings. I only point out that he was Arab, because a rumor was floating around that it must have been a religious Jew. Ha...I've heard stories of orthodox men sneaking money into the hands of customers and quietly requesting of them to buy a cheeseburger for 'em. To go. In a little brown bag. Sneaky, sneaky. The sign put up on the window of the charred joint now reads:
WE'RE SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE...APPARENTLY SOMEONE WANTED THEIR BURGER REALLY WELL-DONE.
Or something like that. In Hebrew.
Christmas is on it's way to Israel, but you wouldn't know it from the weather. You can, however, get a feel for it from the Christians who are pouring in from around the world to celebrate a Jewish guy's birthday (no offense, but it's the wrong date) in Bethlehem, Jerusalem, and other such holy cities. I've been invited to a multi-cultural Christmas party myself. Think I'll bring a Druze. Honestly, this time of year is making me miss all of my Christmas-celebrating friends back home, and of course, my darling, Korean Ji Hee. But most of all, Channukah is around the corner so I'm home-sick for the fam....
All right. Enough of this depressing crap. I've got Akkadian to attend to. Ancient Babylonian creation myths to read and whatnot. "When heaven above was not named, nor earth below pronounced by name, Apsu, the first one, their begetter, and maker, Tiamat, who bore them all, had mixed their waters together..." Eh. You know the rest.
Peace out n' stuff.

Back From the Other Dimension

Top: Almaz and Erez in my living room
Middle: Lorin and I at coffee
Bottom: Anan and I in my living room

Hey, kids....
I, uh, just got internet installed two minutes ago. All is well here. Trying to get my shit done. Too tired to add any good stories, so you'll have to be patient. I apologize for not answering emails and IMs but I'll try to get on the ball now that I'm connected again. Happy Birthday to my Savta. Ciao, punks.