Wa Wa Wee Wa!! Kazakh for "gobble gobble"...

My friend, Shoshana, wants to go see the Borat movie Thursday night. But I was fortunate enough to catch all the bits and outtakes off youtube before it went retarded, so what's the point? Good times during Thanksgiving this year. Finally, a turkey and pumpkin pie (Shosh said it had to be "parve" so it turned out all mushy from the non-dairy creamer alternative). I grabbed my confused boyfriend and dragged him around a few groceries stores seeking pie crust and pumpkin in a can. Tal from Russia and Sarah from the states brought their new little Dasi, dressed her up as a turkey, and stuck a beer in her hand. In the meantime, Shosh and I tried to keep Jackie's fingers out of the food she and Shosh cooked all day and Anan took to cutting the turkey on his very first Thanksgiving. I stood around, occasionally barking orders that no one heeded. And Jackie's boyfriend, Asi, just smiled and stared at everyone.

Here's some pics:

Tal with Dasi: "I am a turkey. What the fuck is your problem?"

Jackie getting into the turkey. I gave her a little smack on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, but it was no use. She went ahead and dipped her finger in the pumpkin pie shortly after.

Jackie, Anan, Shosh and myself.

Shosh and Jackie, susie-homemakers.

The 'couples' picture. I loaned Anan to Shosh and took the picture. Another newlywed couple came later, as did Tomer, the nationally known womanizer of young American woman. The only thing he managed to get his mouth around at Shosh's was some turkey (he was afraid of the stuffing...huh) then left early as always to meet some young girls at a club.

Tomer, energizing.

Ok, that's all. I have nothing interesting to say anymore. I'm a housecleaner. SEXY TIMES! HIGH FIVE!

War n' Stuff...Stupid Ranting

Well, looky what we have here. A goddamn mess, I tell you. Those idiot Hezbollah terrorists are randomly tossing over rockets into Israel, then dancing some tacky Shi'ite extremist jig every time they get lucky enough to actually hit something. In the meantime, Nasrallah is calling out to the Muslim world, especially the unfortunate Lebanese civilians who are now needlessly suffering the consequences of Israel's need to defend itself, that Hezbollah is acting "in defense" of the "stupid Zionists'" attacks on their beloved country. Um, yeah...I feel fucking horrible for those civilians, my heart aches as much for them as those suffering in Israel, but um...did that psychopathic, apocalypse-loving, sonuvabitch towel-head (yes, I'm using this slur, just this once) just "forget" that he instigated all this? No, he didn't. He and Iran want to bring about the End of Days, the final judgment, and the all-Muslim Paradise on Earth, so yeah, do not question the intent of those bastards, or even begin to try and understand or sympathize with their "cause." This is NOT about liberating the suffering Palestinians. Look, for example, at the attacks on Mumbai, India...no Palestinians there. This is about a complete disregard for life, built into this extremist ideology, in order to accomplish certain religious goals and we will never fully comprehend it. For fuck's sake, you guys, they're blowing up Arab Muslim towns and villages as much as any other. ALL OF MY MUSLIM FRIENDS' FAMILIES ARE UP NORTH. My Druze boyfriend is up north, where buses have stopped running, businesses are closed down, warning sirens ring out several times a day, and rockets are aimlessly falling all over the place. My friend in Haifa is holed up with his family at home, watching blasts and smoke destroy his (and my father's) home city. Threats of missile attacks on Tel Aviv and even Jerusalem will soon be matched by inspired suicide bombers within our borders, and terrorist attacks from Gaza continue to be met with angry response from the Israeli army, causing more deaths of civilians, and worst of all, children. Hey, I know the history of Israel is terribly controversial, and that the Palestinians need a chance to do their thing. But no excuse in the world accounts for the innocent lives lost on all fronts, or the irrational and hateful behavior of both terrorist groups and governments. And, I'm sorry for saying this, I know I'll piss off some of my friends, but 1) Israel needs to be far more prudent in its attacks (they're civilians, goddamn it!) and 2) when it comes to terrorists, people who kill innocent people to accomplish their goals, I say blow those fuckers sky high. Yeah, the two don't really work together. Southern Lebanon and Gaza have got both terrorists and civilians, so it's hard to hit one and not the other. Besides, the death of one terrorist only sprouts 10 more. In any case, after all this, I have no theory of resolve to put forth. I blame religious extremism and the innate negativity and hopelessness of the human race for all this, the former, in fact, one of many unfortunate products of the latter. Furthermore, there is no question in my mind that this conflict will only escalate, either now or later, and, for that matter, that this world will never know anything but the consequences of perverse extremities of self or group preservation coupled with this unreasonable human desire to actualize god and beliefs. Ain't none of that gonna change so yeah, we're fucked. And with that, I'm going to bed.

Evil Inclinations

Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything, but the recent events in my life seem to call for a piece on EVIL. Golly, it's just everywhere, ain't it? For example, in my recent research for a class presentation, I've hit upon a large number of hate web sites. What did I expect? After all, I'm researching medieval Christian depictions of Jews as demons, or in league with Satan. Apparently, the last few hundred years have done nothing to educate people on such preposterous, primitive claims, including 'blood libel' and 'host desecration.' (Blood libel, by the way, is an accusation that Jews kidnap Christian children, circumcise them to make them kosher, and torture them, consuming their drained blood as wine or after they bake it into matzah--GROSS! Are you kidding me??) Anyway, groups like the new Nazi socialists and Christian Identity use this nonsense as propaganda today, among other bogus claims, AND PEOPLE ARE BUYING IT. By the way, I'd like to give a shout out to the Romans for canonizing a version of the life of Christ in which they palm off responsibility for the crucifixion to the Jews, leaving a governing Roman tyrant (Pontius Pilate) sin-free. Of course, within revised versions of the Nicene Creed, the fact that he was crucified under Pilate is stated, but Matthew 27 clearly blames the Jews and why? How the hell could the Roman Empire adopt Christianity if it would forever be tainted with deicide? Oy. People are assholes.
Ok, speaking of assholes, this bleeding heart joined forces with a local law student, named Tamar, to save a family of stray cats from poisoning at an apartment complex nearby. In our effort to relocate a mother and three kittens from the wrath of annoyed neighbors ("We can't sleep at night, they're too loud"...No, the incessant, echoing chirping of birds doesn't bother them), we lost one kitten as the mother found her way back home--one kitten followed, one we found huddled, crying under a car where we'd relocated them. Anyway, we found a place where the mother was sterilized and all three would receive care and medical treatment until being transferred to an adoption kennel. We tried to tell the residents that in a few weeks, the kittens would be old enough to leave this "nesting" area, and even if they continued to live in and around the apartment complex, as so many cats do, the mother-cub meowing calls would end once they were independent of her. Whatever. People are assholes.
And so am I! Check this out: I live with two roommates who are, shall we say, challenged when it comes to basic cleanliness. Ants, fruit flies and other bugs live happily in our home amidst the crumbs and spilt liquids on counters and floors. Our bathroom always looks and smells like piss and shit. Yesterday, I finally flipped. Among all the other crap I woke up to in the kitchen, was the small ice tray I had bought, yet again sitting empty on the counter. I hung it on a nail on the wall, and next to it, a note that read: If you use the ice, please refill and return to the freezer. Later that evening, I found that the note had been thrown away, and the tray still hung on the wall. So...I refilled it myself and returned it to the fridge, but not before adding a couple drops of Tabasco sauce to each piece :D This morning, to my evil, vengeful delight, several pieces were missing. Found out later that one of my roomies, sleepy and thirsty as hell, chugged down an ice-cold glass of tabasco water and suffered a burning throat all night...Ha ha!! Ok, not SOO evil, but...(insert evil laugh)...this is only the beginning...

Evil Asshole...

Pesach Seder, Jerusalem, 2006

I hosted my very first Pesach Seder last night, attended by Shoshana, Matt, Aaron, Mehdi, Julia, Sandra, and Lorin. Somehow, we actually pulled it off without a hitch. Mehdi, the Turk, and I cooked all day, Lorin came over to help, Shoshana brought a table and we got started early so that our young Russian friend, Julia, could join in for a little while before rushing off to work, and Aaron, aka "Canuck," could attend for a bit before hurrying off to another seder. We were an interesting bunch, as always, internationally and religiously mixed, and the half of us that are Jewish led the others in prayer and song. I made charoset and matza ball soup and chicken, while Mehdi made salmon, green beans, potatoes and salad. Half of us gobbled down gefilte fish with horseradish to the "ews!" and sour faces of the other half, as is standard at any seder.


Julia and I



Starting the Seder (Lorin, Sandra, Julia, Mehdi, Aaron, Matt and Shoshana)



Aaron Leading Us in the Kiddush



Gefilte Fish, Eggs, and Matza Ball Soup



Lorin and Sandra, Mehdi's Delicious Garlic/Tomato Greenbeans, and my Plum Sauce and Pistacchio Chicken with Mushrooms....oh, and a delightful side dish of cigarette butts

Tipsy by the time we got around to dinner, and appropriately and completely shitfaced by the time we were eating dessert, we happily howled our way through 'Mi Yode'ah' ("...sh'bashamaim uv'aaaaaaareeeeeetz, DRINK!") and meowed and barked and mehhhhed our way through 'Chad Gadya.' We might have scared off the goyim had they not been pretty shitfaced themselves.


Shoshana and I



Dessert...full and wine-induced red in the face

As good of a non-practicing, non-religious Jew as I am, my efforts to appease our ancestors and God failed, to the such an extent, in fact, that my reward was a clogged pipe in the kitchen and the subsequent flooding of half of our apartment. Lorin and Mehdi got down and dirty trying to fix the problem as Matt went from cleaning dishes to squeegy-ing the floor, whistling sailor songs and pretending he was on the deck of a boat. This morning was much of the same but the leftovers we sated ourselves with after McGuyvering tools and taking turns playing plumber were still tasty so the hell with all of it. Passover was great!!


Chag Sameach!

Ahhh, Spring. Warm Weather...Sex...Allergies...

Anan and I with an overworked smoke-machine.

Yessssssss. Everyone's lookin' for a piece of ass right now and I'd give anything for some non-expired Claritin. So. Now you know what's going on over here. Onwards!
Lorin, Mehdi and I had an amazing time with Mandi. We rented a car and drove all over, up north, spent V-Day with my Druze baby, and had an all around good time. I hope Mandi enjoyed herself because we all loved having her here and miss her. Let me show you what she did to Mehdi....

Looks kinky, don't it? tee hee.So, we're back in school for the second semester, my classes more or less kick ass, finally, and the weather is amazing. I hate to brag....wait, no I don't....it's phenomenal and you're missing it.Oh, and Purim is being carried out in the typical Jerusalem manner, with parties and costumes and drinking and what have you all week. I went to a huge party last night but I'm broke so from here on out, just staring at other people having a crazy ol' time.

Here's a fun Purim tid-bit: The Book of Esther contains NO references to God and is thought to have quite a bit of Babylonian mythical elements in it. For example, Esther=Ashtoreth and Mordecai=Marduk...these are a goddess and god. Oooohhh, Aaaahhh, brilliant, right? More exciting, educational whatnot to come! Stay tuned! Bye!

I have clean underwear.

Mehdi, Kanako, Matt, a bit of Maya and some others, Johann, Nick, and Sandra's heaving chest?

Kfir kissing Sandra

Donald, Lorin, Ottoman, Michaela, Microwave

These are pics from Sandra's b-day party--January 12th. Yah, kinda dorky, but we didn't hang out in the dorm apartment all night. Oh no...we went to HaOman 17 and danced the night away there. I didn't drink a lot so I wasn't puking for hours after like I did on New Year's. Man, THAT was awesome. It was like freshmen year all over again. Oh, we finally have heat in the house. I made tuna salad today. And I went up the hill with my old lady market cart and did laundry at the laundromat. For a while. Jesus, I'm boring mySELF. G'night.

Wise King Solomon

I've been both busy with my studies and lazy with the blog thing...yet again. I apologize. Nothing new here except that we're now without washing machine, T.V., coffee table and kitchen chairs. The owner took his stuff, but it's cool...a lot less time wasted on the boob tube. Rather, we are finding other clever ways to waste time and avoid studying. Until now, anyway, as finals are fast approaching. After that, my friend, whom y'all know, Mandi, is coming from Denver to visit for a week. We're going to run around Israel and see all the cool stuff you're supposed to see when you come to Israel. Oh, and my Croatian friend, Sandra, just had a birthday and her darling Israeli boyfriend surprised her with a baby dwarf bunny. She named him Solomon. I told her to house train him, which can be done but takes a bit of time with rabbits. The last progress report I got was that he's no longer the shy, sweet fur-ball he was the first night he arrived, rather, he's taken over the place, shakes his cage violently when Sandra puts him in, and shits in every possible corner of the apartment when she's not looking. But, it's a baby bunny so, you gotta love him. Ok. I'm out. :)